Home FeaturesBuilding Relationships WHY DEAL WITH DIFFICULT CONVERSATIONS

WHY DEAL WITH DIFFICULT CONVERSATIONS

by Simon Oriedo

A difficult Conversation is that which we are not comfortable to engage in or we find hard to handle. A difficult conversation implies that one party has to bring out some issues that might not be palatable to the other. Conversation becomes difficult when our feelings and emotions are involved. The conversation is mostly initiated by one seeing the need for a change or for a different view to be established. Leaders will initiate difficult conversations aimed at building competence and commitment or producing change. A leader’s ability to successfully conduct difficult conversations in the organization will help bring the difference. 

Why deal with difficult Conversations? Difficult conversations are confrontational; confronting our differences and confronting a viewpoint, a topic, behaviour, or any issue which the parties find difficult to talk about or are shying from. It aims at bringing a solution and not enmity. Therefore, for leaders to engage in a successful difficult conversation, they must manage their emotions, respect personalities and seek to preserve relationships even after the conversation. Leaders must take time to think about how the conversation might bring a solution rather than create irreparable walls between them and the others. Difficult conversation is useful in addressing conflicts of every kind which exist between individuals. Conflicts require difficult conversations to address or solve. Difficult conversations bring about openness rather than suspicions due to the clarity of issues placed on the table and discussed openly. 

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There are several Biblical examples of difficult conversations: God and Adam – Genesis 3:11-19, God and Cain – Genesis 4:9-14, Abraham and Lot – Genesis 13:5- 12, God and Job – Job 38 – 42:6, and Paul and Simon Peter – Galatians 2:11-21. 

In Africa, unlike in the West, we would rather not engage in difficult conversations but rather sidestep difficult but necessary conversations, in order not to disturb the peace, so to speak. With difficult conversations, be ready for conflicts. Failure to have difficult conversation has negative consequences: full scale wars have been fought, ethnic conflicts experienced, governments overthrown, marriages broken, etc due to failure to have difficult conversations. Where difficult conversations are not being held, the probability is that the people are living in denial. Never expect your position or idea to be accepted in a difficult conversation but your idea trampled. Leaders must sometimes expect a win-win situation.

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